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Daddy's Girl by ~KakashiCatastrophe:iconKakashiCatastrophe:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Home alone, a big locked door.
Brand new razor,
A folded note on the floor.
The mirror shattered,
A young girl lay dead,
Nothing really mattered;
Not in their heads.
Emotions in a tangle,
The room begins to swirl,
'Cause she was Mommy's little angel,
And Daddy's little girl.
©2007-2008 ~KakashiCatastrophe
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Submitted: Jul 26, 2007
File Size: 451 bytes
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Comments: 18
Favourites & Collections: 5 [who?]

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Author's Comments

I got bored, and depressed, and I write often.
But everyone loved this. So I thought... Why the hell not!?

And just put it up.
Enjoy. I wrote this about 3 years ago ^^;

Poem© Me [Kiya]

Devious Comments

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~iheartchicken:iconiheartchicken: Jul 26, 2007, 10:50:20 AM
omg!!!sooooooo beautiful!!...i luv it!!:#1:

--
call me...mrs.evil..bwahahahahaha
~KakashiCatastrophe:iconKakashiCatastrophe: Jul 26, 2007, 9:29:22 PM
Why thank you!
:]]

--
Kiya: Actress, Artist, Writer. Nuerotic, Random, Lovable.
[[Insert Your Undying Love For Me Here]]
:library:
"You never learn anything by doing it right."
-Unknown
~KakashiCatastrophe:iconKakashiCatastrophe: Jul 26, 2007, 9:30:54 PM
Thanks.
Alot.
:]]]

--
Kiya: Actress, Artist, Writer. Nuerotic, Random, Lovable.
[[Insert Your Undying Love For Me Here]]
:library:
"You never learn anything by doing it right."
-Unknown
*pepineros:iconpepineros: Aug 26, 2007, 1:40:17 PM
nice :) especially the last two lines, "cuz she was mommy's little angel / and daddy's little girl", match up very nicely. It's rather sad, but that's kinda what I like in it.

Please do watch your use of periods and capitols, by the way. For example:
"the mirror shattered,
a young girl lies dead,
nothing really mattered.
not in their heads."

I love your use of periods here, they give me a feeling of finalization. But please also use capitol T and N, where they're appropriate. I might be nitpicking but really, it disturbes me somewhat.

--
"...for the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack..." - Rudyard Kipling
The guitar club: ~guitar-art-asylum
~KakashiCatastrophe:iconKakashiCatastrophe: Aug 26, 2007, 1:44:35 PM
I know, I've been meaning to fix these for months!!! I have obsessive compulsive disorder, with grammar, spelling, and punctuation. But I haven't the time to fix these.

Thanks, I like the use of periods too! Hah.

Do you know if its "Lays dead," or "Lies dead,"?

It's a bit perplexing.

--
Kiya: Actress, Artist, Writer. Nuerotic, Random, Lovable.
[[Insert Your Undying Love For Me Here]]
:library:
"You never learn anything by doing it right."
-Unknown
*pepineros:iconpepineros: Aug 26, 2007, 1:59:30 PM
hmm, that's what I'm never really sure of myself. I'm rather sure it's 'lies dead' but I'm not 100% sure.

Hey, and you fixed them already!! :clap:

--
"...for the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack..." - Rudyard Kipling
The guitar club: ~guitar-art-asylum
~KakashiCatastrophe:iconKakashiCatastrophe: Aug 26, 2007, 3:02:23 PM
Yep. I decided it was "Lay dead"

After I had a language arts flashback. And it sounds kind of poetic.

I fixed "Fate" as well.
You may like it better now, I changed the rythm.

These poems are all nearly two years old.

--
Kiya: Actress, Artist, Writer. Nuerotic, Random, Lovable.
[[Insert Your Undying Love For Me Here]]
:library:
"You never learn anything by doing it right."
-Unknown
*pepineros:iconpepineros: Aug 26, 2007, 7:01:24 PM
I'll take a look :) hope you didn't change too much, I loved the rythm so much already :) but I'll go see...

--
"...for the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack..." - Rudyard Kipling
The guitar club: ~guitar-art-asylum
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